were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
