Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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