You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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