I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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