i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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