I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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