in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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