i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
