he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
