I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
