i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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