So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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