You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
