How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
