I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
