i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
