I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
