Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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