I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
