Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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