Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
