I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
