so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
