Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize