You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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