The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
