i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
