Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
