I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
