so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
