are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
