That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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