All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
