it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
