I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
