Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Say something about gay babies.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
