oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
