so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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