I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
