if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
