Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
