He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
