Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
