She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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