We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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