i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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