so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
