I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize