Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
