Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
