There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
