Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
