I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
