I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
