Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
