OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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