tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so let's talk penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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