I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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