Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
