Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
