I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
