She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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