Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You are the jesus of drinking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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