Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
