6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
