I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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