I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
