There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
