I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
