No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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