I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
