Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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