my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize