She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
