i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
