Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize