If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
