I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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