who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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