I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
