Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
