If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
