Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
