I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
