soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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