There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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