"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we made out on top of his cat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
