what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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