Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
