I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
