my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just blew my weed a kiss
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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