North Korea, Best Korea!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
