I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
