Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize