pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
