HIV tests are more positive than that guy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
