I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
