I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
