How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What a dumb baby whore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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