I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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