What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
