a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
