I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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