well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
