every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
