I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
