24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize