I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
